This is an unedited snapshot of my tired mind obsessing over an absurd thought.
It’s 2 in the morning and my thoughts are like twisted twigs but I am somehow trying to find the ends. Strong eruptive emotions can resurface and they come like the currents, gradually and then all of a sudden without any pattern. I have been thinking about questions like How to end universe in a split second? Or Is there any refuge from the forlorn alley of drugs? I just want to use my limited consciousness to produce some value at least. I can’t tell who or what was the stimulant but I am thinking about killing a type of love. Like I want to bury it somewhere so that it slowly decays and gets consumed. Perhaps, we can talk about it’s decay rate too. But I want to just cut this part off. The part that feels the need to belong somewhere, the part that gets attracted to every field it is kept in no matter how brisk it might be. I guess when I will cut it off I will be able to fall freely if I leap or just glide away if I try. Something I know, is holding me down. It looks beautiful but feels ordinary. I want to question it all, starting from the basic premise. Then I will talk to the happiest couples of all and perhaps give them a practical potion ( poison ?). I want to understand about the silent and sinister force that draws me towards flesh over and over. Is there even an end to this? I think I already jumped but when will I hear the thud ? Or is this an oscillatory tunnel where I am bound to come across her in different forms. But each time I cross her I experience a strange taste in my mouth. Rotten kisses. I quickly kiss the novelty to freshen my breath. Maybe this can end if I get a spear that can kill all of them. All her instances in one stroke. It is very important to do it in one stroke otherwise she might talk me out of it. I might kiss her again. I might start to oscillate again. Desperately I am searching for a reference to measure myself up. I don’t know what direction it is but I need to walk fast. Maybe I won’t find a spear that can kill love, they never forged one perhaps. They don’t want me to find out the truth. I get placebos all the time coated with hugs and smiles. Telling me to settle down. But I guess it is time to move on a different axis which isn’t logarithmic. Maybe it is time for me to understand that,
loyalty is a myth, novelty is supreme.